A lot of people have been coming up to me and asking,
"John, the kids,
they like the Humor Column Website. But which columns should they read
with such a plethora to choose from?"
A lot of people have been coming up to me and asking,
"John, the kids,
they like the Humor Column Website. But which columns should they read
with such a plethora to choose from?"
So in order to help you make and informed decision, I have set up my
ratings page. Columns range from four stars or "Wet-your-pants-funny" to
one star or "What was I on?" By next year I hope to have a system of
Freshness Dating so you only read my columns at their
freshest. I just have to figure out what constitutes a fresh column...
As lame as it may be, all columns are rated by me personally. You'd think that I would be biased and stuff. And I am. So what's it to ya, huh? If you think that they should be rated differently, be sure to use my Funky Feed-Back Form (Don't be afraid, I said it was there) to let me know.
A
touching letter from a reader in need of laughter. A scary look at the
rage that can be found within even the most gentle of Humor Junkies. Included
is my response and an example of one of my useless Physics assignments as
an added bonus...
Again, as your faithful writer, I have gone above and beyond my call of duty
to bring you the sad, yet funny truths of life. In this I wrote a touching
article about the
poverty, the humanity and the desperation of America's over-looked social
group: the college student.
Have you ever been reading an article of mine and wondered, "Hmmm, he
seems like the average racially mixed writer, but I wonder if he has a
criminal history..." Well, if you have been wondering, this article will
answer your questions about my shady past!
A brief look back at my first encounter with the natural world and my
science fair achievements. Then a look at my more recent encounters with
botany. Did you know that plants need water, too? They're a lot like us
in more than one way!
Have you
ever gotten a ticket? Well, if so, then this is the column for you, my
friend. I wrote this at the end of my 3 year burden of having 6 points on
my license. Unfortunately, I got a ticket the same day that this article
was published. Irony thick enough to cut with a knife, I tell you! Yep. This
is it. The article that ended my career as a writer! Pretty cool
actually. It caused my good friend Jessica Bigas (a Canadian) to write an
angry letter. Unfortunately, the Miner
didn't realize that she was kidding and printed a disclaimer appologizing
for my past and present behavior. The Miner has what we in the Humor
Column Industry call "A lack of a sense of humor." So I wrote a genuine
angry
letter, as did about 5 Humor Junkies, and I denounced the Minor's
lack of humor. Then I retired. . .(Between you and I, I was out of material
anyway!)
The story of a winter break spent in the Land of the Sun. A scary revelation of
John's Spanish skills.
My views on dating on the 90's. Why men don't have the first clue as to how
to pick up a woman. I then relate it to dogs sniffing butts! (Read
carefully and you'll be able to tell that I had been reading Dave Barry
that week!)
The computer revolution and why it doesn't stink as bad as the New-age people
think.
My encounter with the proverbial Ghost of Valentine's Past along with a
shocking examination of the origins of this alleged "holiday."
The title says it all for one of my personal favorites. I got more responses
from this than I did from my butt-sniffing article. It all just goes to
show that people hate cat's more than they hate it when dogs sniff the
butts of other dogs.
My ingenious plan for free advertisement on the second page of my school's
newspaper. Before they even knew what had hit them, I was on page 2 and
8 at the same time! You can't buy publicity like that.
A rewrite of an earlier article. If you are from Rolla, you will definately
appreciate this one.
It's got boob in the title for goodness sake! It was a cheap attempt to catch
all of the people looking for web porn. Try it your self, just query
"BOOB" and there's my homepage right next to NetSex Online.
My very first humor column. It actually started off as a letter about this
girl that I had fallen madly in love with. It was all down hill from
there; the girl and my writing career!
I don't know where this one came from actually. But since it makes me
laugh, I'll go ahead and keep it. It was probably conceived during one of
my Mountain Dew induced periods of delusion.
This is another one of those columns that I don't remember writing. This
goes beyond Mountain Dew, man. I'll keep it around for the historians to
wonder about.
John's first attempt at movie reviews. My roommate and I liked it, but
apparently no one else found Steven Segal's movies as offending as we did!
The original version of I Don't Want a Sweatshirt! Kind of like the Sizzling
Director's Original Cut only not all that sizzling...
Some liked it, some didn't...That's alls I gotsa say.
My first true column utilizing my standard one and a half page length. Not
all that exciting to the average reader and the devoted Humor Junkie
already knows this kind of stuff. Also the first time I revealed my
racial backgroud. Exciting.
My first and last epic. It was a smashing success in the Missouri Miner and
one of my personal favorites. As one of my friends once noted, "Its the
only redeeming value of Volume 1."
