Oh I guess it was nothing really. Ok where was I...? Oh yeah, I was telling you about how I recently saw the movie _Disclosure_. For those of you who have never seen this movie, its actually quite different from the many other John Grisham-novel-based-movie. Different in that the title starts with "the." As in, "The" Pelican Brief, "The" Client, "The" Firm. Watch out for up and coming novels, "The" Evidence, "The" Stenographer, "The" Annoying Judge Who Wouldn't Let Me Get a Word In Edge Wise Even Though The Light was Clearly Yellow".

So, anyway, this particular John Grisham-derived movie stars Demi Moore and Micheal Douglas. The plot involved a woman boss, Michael Douglas...wait, no thats Demi, who sexually harasses Michael Douglas, her employee. Yes, that is correct, *she* harasses *him*. Now, by this point all of the women readers are thinking, "Yeah, finally a guy gets to feel what its like to be taken advantage of." On the other hand, the guys are thinking, "Why doesn't this happen to me? I *want* to be taken advantage of!"

Ahh, this is true, and women must realize this simple fact: Guys want to be taken advantage of. I personally have made this one of my goals in life. To be sexually harassed at work! Did I mention that Enviro Girl works at the same place as I do?

So in order to achieve this goal, I have taken a new approach to women. I have become a SNAG. Yes, a Sensitive New-Age Guy. This way I can appear caring and therefore vunerable. Because as we all know, if a guy shares his feelings, he is a wimp and somehow deserves to be taken advantage of. That is why guys are so good at avoiding conversations with women.

Girl: (gazing longingly into the unsuspecting guy's eyes) "You've been so quiet today. What are you thinking about?

Guy: (actually still thinking about that car that cut him off two hours ago.) "Can you belive that guy back there? I clearly had the right of way!"

Girl: "You aren't listening to me, are you?"

Guy: "Uhhh, you were uhhh, talking about feelings and what not...right?"

Eventually the girl would get mad at the guy, he would call back later that night and they would make up. But remember, through it all, the guy never showed his feelings, and therefor was un-vuneralble.

But I've taken a different approach seeing as that if you are un-vunerable, you can never be sexually harassed. Duh! So, being the only guy to have figured this out, I have turned into a SNAG. And I am therefore happy to tell you that my approach worked this summer!

This summer, I was on a plane on my way back from a job interview in Iowa (stay tuned for "John's adventures in Iowa."). On the plane, I got hit on and nearly taken advantage of by a red head! One small problem, the red head's name was Kevin. Yes, he was a male steward. So, now all of you women are thinking: "So there, it serves you right. Are you happy that you finally got what you wanted. See, its not as fun as you thought, huh?" Meanwhile, I'm thinking, "Well, its a start. Now for a woman!"

Actually, it did teach me a few things. First, although I'm not gay, it was flattering to be hit on so strongly. Secondly, I do now finally see what you girls see when guys hit on you. Namely, the Deer Caught in the Headlights Syndrome discussed in an earlier column. So I do feel your pain! But at the same time, I will be working on my goals, and for the women out there, I'd appreciate any assistance you'd like to lend me!

**Disclaimer:

While most guys do want to be taken advantage of, I really do.