Anyway, because so many of you have been wondering where I've been, here it goes again!
John's Movie Review:
This is a new feature in which, unlike in past columns where I complain about my humorous love life, I instead review movies. Only there's a slight twist. Since I live in Rolla, I don't actually go and see the movie. I just look at the advertisements and watch the trailers on TV. But for most movies, this seems to work fine!
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I am SO excited! My roommate has just informed me that directing genius and actor extrordinaire Steven Segal is offering up yet another potential blockbuster for the fall season. If you haven't already heard, his latest epic is entitled _The Glimmer Man_, and stars of course Steven Segal along with perennial favorite Keenan Ivory Waynes, also known as "That's Keenan, NOT Damon!"
I haven't yet seen this movie, but my roommate assures me that, "The commercial trailer is worth the price of admission alone!" The check that he'll be receiving will help out nicely with rent! Also, judging from the ads in the paper, this is going to be one great movie. As the Miami (Ohio) Herald loudly states, "...This is the block...bust..er movie...of the year!" If someone is going to write something like that, then you know its good!
When I saw that both Segal and Damon...er Keenan would be in the same movie, my heart skipped a beat. From what I got from the commercial, this movie seems to be an excellent chance for both actors to branch out into new and challenging rolls. Just picture this if you will: Segal as a stern white cop who plays by the rules and snaps peoples' arms. Keenan Ivory Waynes as a wise-cracking, street smart urban cop with a chip on his shoulder. You may be thinking: "Can this actually work. Can these rolls coexist in the same movie? It's so new, so novel..." Well I have two words for you:
STEVEN SEGAL
If anyone in Hollywood could make this happen, its Segal. He plans to, as the New York (Nebraska) Times wrote, "...put us on a collision course for wackiness..."
In his previous outing, _On Dangerous Ground_, Segal made us all more environmentally aware by burning a group of politically incorrect thugs' oil well to the ground and making their lives an environmental disaster. In his newest movie, he will be challenging America's racial views. I believe that by showing the contrasts between white people, who are always up-tight, and black people, who are never serious and have chips on their shoulders, that Segal will touch our collective consciouses. I mean I see this at work in my own life in Physics lab. I'm the black guy and my lab parter is the white guy. Let me give you a little sample.
Lab partner: "I think that we should drop the weight and measure it three times like it says in the book."
Black dude: "*&^% this, man. Where's the women."
Lab partner: "Are you going to help me or am I going to have to get the instructor?"
Pissed off Urban influenced African American male: "*&$# you, man. You just *&$$in say that because I'm black! Its been like this for 400 years man. This is slavery, man. *)(^$ this *&%#..."
So, as you can see I can truly relate to Segal's new movie. Maybe my lab partner will loosen up and I'll learn to be less bitter. Who knows, maybe I can even get an A in Physics. Maybe Segal can make a great movie...