Its just that every time anyone falls in love, in my case when a girl looks at me as much as I look at her, one has to operate by these weird, unspoken rules. Instead of communicating one must attempt to "read into" what the other person is saying. This is why I am functionally dating illiterate.

For example, here's a little peek into my psyche while talking to a girl that I may be interested in or, that looked at me too long for her own good:

Girl: Hi

Me: (thinking) "Oh no. What does she mean by that? Should I say hi back or is that too committal. Will she think that I'm looking for a long term relationship and be scared off? Must...think...Uhhhhh..." (outloud) "Will someone PLEASE help me?"

Girl: (hesitatingly) "Umm, are you okay?"

Me: (thinking) "Wait, she wants to know how I feel. This could work. She likes me!" (outloud) "I love you!"

Girl: (running) "Help!"

And so I then walk away with my heart broken. But keep in mind that this is only one possible situation. It has many variations. For instance you can insert anyone of the following statements for the girl's statements:

1) "Me and my boyfriend..." 2) "I really like your friend..." 3) "Help! Call the police!"

So I just want to take this opportunity to offer my little solution. I propose that we all walk around with little ticker-tape light signs above our heads to communicate what we don't say. Granted, we would all look like little walking Time Squares minus the hookers, but this could work. Dream with me if you will:

Me: "Hi"

My sign: "You are perhaps the most beautiful girl that I have ever seen. Lets spend about three weeks getting to know each other and then progress into a more serious relationship."

Girl: "Hello"

Girl's sign: "Run away, I have a boyfriend."

This way I could maybe salvage some pride and save the pain that I experience when my heart hits the blunt object some call reality. Also, with my plan, all that I would have to do to find a date is find a sign that says:"I may not like you specifically. But you are close enough. Ask me out." And I would in turn put up my sign, ask her out, and live happily ever after...