Well, it just so happens that I was reading the magazine in question while in the TV lounge since there was nothing good on TV. Besides, I had already read Glamour. Why was I in the TV lounge when I should have been studying? Well, I was doing research. Yeah...that's it...research...

I wanted to see what kids today were watching on television. After conducting extensive research (5 hours, four Mountain Dews) in one of my university's premier lab facilities (Kelly Residence Hall TV lounge) I have discovered what has been keeping America's youth glued to the proverbial tube. All of my studies point to one thing: Jenny McCarthy.

But one must take some important things into consideration before taking my conclusion as fact. First, this is merely what kept me glued to the television for 5 hours. Second, not necessarily all of America's youth decided to watch MTV's all day marathon of Singled Out. Just me.

For those of you who don't know what this show is all about, let me give you a brief overview. Basically, Jenny McCarthy wears tight clothing and runs around a lot. There's some sort of game show type thing going on in the background, but I didn't take too many notes on that subject.

Alright, I did notice the rest of the show. It's sort of like the Dating Game of the 80's...only on crack. What happens is the contestant, usually a guy or girl that looks as if they were assembled in a lab, comes out and asks questions to a group of similarly perfectly put together specimens of the opposite sex.

Except these questions are a lot different from the questions used on the old Dating Game, which used to insinuate sexual situations. No, Singled Out uses only quality questions that blatantly describe embarrassing aspects of human sexuality.

"Next category: Smooth as silk or Gentle Ben?"

I mean, come on! Does this actually happen before people go out on a date? I sure hope that this is not some new trend.

Me: "Hi, my name is John. I'm in your Literature class. I was wondering if you were free this Saturday?"

Jenny McCarthy: "ALL RIGHT! Pick the next category!"

Girl from Lit Class: "Ummm...I think I'll pick 'Sleeping Style.'"

Jenny: "ALL RIGHTY! Rough and rude or totally nude?"

Me: "Help me."

What ever happened to getting to know the person first? Call me old fashioned, but it seems that society is taking this whole "candid about sex" thing a bit too far. You can see this especially in commercials. I don't even know what people are trying to sell anymore!

Take cologne for example. This one commercial has the girl running down a hall in slow motion with nothing on but some leaves. Then this guy yells out something in French that sounds like he's saying "Fem peak." I don't know what the heck a Fem peak is, but some executive in New York is probably counting on me buying it because they flashed a naked girl on the screen. Well, ok, I did want to buy it. But only for a second until the next commercial came on.

This sex stuff is not just on MTV either. It's gotten so bad that, according to Seventeen magazine, TV networks are actually rating their shows. I'm serious! Check out some of the reactions from a survey in the magazine:

"Like, this totally stinks. It's like censorship and stuff..."-Samantha (16)

"If this means that I can't watch Friends anymore, I'll just die!"-Debbie (13)

Apparently this is going to affect the lives of many girls age 12 to 18. But this works out great for young adolescent guys. Now they know which shows to defiantly watch. I mean, I wish that I had this wonderful tool when I was growing up. Yes, young teenage guys will now be able to spend more time watching quality programming and waste less time on shows that aren't going to show any breasts.

So what can we learn from my research. Allow me to summarize:

1. Kids today watch too much TV.
2. John has nothing better to do with his time than to sit around in dorm TV lounge.
3. John buys a lot of cologne for no apparent reason.
4. Jenny McCarthy is a babe.

So lets take what we've learned today and be more productive with our time. Let us be careful observers of what is on television so that we can be informed about the world around us. Let us use prudent judgment, reason and Redbook magazine to avoid the pitfalls of the television generation and live more productive lives.

And pass the remote!