Twenty years ago in Albuquerque, NM, not fifty miles away from where the nuclear bombs of WWII were tested, two people began a quest. But their quest was not to develop weapons of mass destruction. Their's was to develop something much more powerful; much more awesome. They set out to produce a child that was half caucasian and half African-American. This child would possess rhythm and soul yet still retain the ability to remain quiet in a movie theater. But most importantly, this child would be the leader of a new race of people. The Mulattos.

And so on January 4, 1977, these two courageous individuals first saw the fruition of their work, and they named him John. But as this child of destiny started to develop, they noticed some very disturbing behavior. John appeared to be obsessed with garbage trucks, which may have been due to the large quantities of radio-active materials in the rocks that the young boy was shoving into his mouth. But whatever the cause, John's parents became disheartened and promptly started the development of John's three younger sisters.

Twenty years and rocks later, John now attends the University of Missouri at Rolla where he studies Physics with an English minor. But along with maintaining his studies, he writes a pretty darn good humor column. The idea to write stemmed from John's frustration with women and as since branched off into areas that he describes as, "Stuff I don't understand." His column is now 5 months old at the time this biography was written and has drawn a reader base of about 50 people. John affectionately calls these people Humor Junkies. His columns are also published bi-monthly in the Missouri Miner (read: Miner not Minor).

In keeping with his parents original goals, John, along with his best bud Leah Ellis, has also started a small group called the International Society of Mixed Engineers or ISME (I-smee). This group is designed to, as John puts it, "provide yet another meaningless group for a race of people not yet recognized." ISME now has three members: John, Leah and Candice Yoder. All three members also hold an officer position. John hopes that ISME will, "...grow to reach the campus and then the world as a whole so I can collect membership fees..."

Vital Stats (Revised):

Age: 21
Height: Pretty short (5'5.5")
Weight: 162
Job: Undergraduate Teaching Assistant, Academic Enhancement Center peon, KMNR DJ, HTML Designer
Batting Average: .500 (two intramural softball games)

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