Written By: An Unknown Author (probably John himself)
Twenty years ago in Albuquerque, NM, not fifty miles away from where the nuclear bombs of WWII were tested, two people began a quest. But their quest was not to develop weapons of mass destruction. Their's was to develop something much more powerful; much more awesome. They set out to produce a child that was half caucasian and half African-American. This child would possess rhythm and soul yet still retain the ability to remain quiet in a movie theater. But most importantly, this child would be the leader of a new race of people. The Mulattos.

And so on January 4, 1977, these two courageous individuals first saw the fruition of their work, and they named him John. But as this child of destiny started to develop, they noticed some very disturbing behavior. John appeared to be obsessed with garbage trucks, which may have been due to the large quantities of radio-active materials in the rocks that the young boy was shoving into his mouth. But whatever the cause, John's parents became disheartened and promptly started the development of John's three younger sisters.

Twenty years and way too many rocks later John now attends the University of Missouri at Rolla where he studies Physics with an Mathematics minor. Why physics? Primarily because Engineering was too easy and all the other sciences are for wusses. That and the fact that UMR does not offer a B.S. Women's Studies.

John currently resides in the suburbs of Rolla with his hippie-esque roommate Katie and Borris the Rat. Rumor has it that John often feels like a third wheel, seeing as Katie and Borris have such a close relationship. But despite this minor bump, Katie has proven to be an ideal roommate because A) she cooks really well B) she's good with tools and alumnium foil and C) she doesn't always flush the toilet. Not to mention the fact that John's new pad is right across the street from the Physics Building. The down side is that John may give into the temptation of showing up to class in his pajammas.